Melbourne's BEST Kept Secret: Southbank Hotel Apartment #1412!
Alright, buckle up, because you're about to get the REAL scoop on Melbourne's BEST Kept Secret: Southbank Hotel Apartment #1412! Forget your sterile travel blogs filled with perfectly posed photos. This is the raw, unfiltered, this-is-what-it's-really-like review. Think of it as a chat with your most brutally honest friend, who just happens to be obsessed with finding the perfect Melbourne getaway.
Let’s be real, finding a good hotel in Southbank is like searching for a decent coffee at 3 AM. But, this apartment? Chef's kiss. Let’s dive into why… and yes, I'm going to ramble a bit. That's how it goes!
Accessibility & Safety - Because Let's Be Safe, Yeah?
Okay, first things first: accessibility. I'm not in a wheelchair myself, but I always check these things. Southbank Hotel Apartment #1412 gets a solid thumbs up. Elevators? Check. Facilities for disabled guests? CHECK. It's all pretty straightforward, which is a huge relief.
Safety and security are paramount. The 24-hour front desk? Reassuring. CCTV everywhere? Sure, a bit Big Brother-ish, but hey, it keeps the bad guys out, right? Fire extinguishers, smoke alarms, all the essentials. I slept soundly, which is a victory when you travel. They've got the basics covered. And, I'm not going to lie, the 24-hour security is comforting, especially when alone.
Cleanliness & Safety - Covid-Era Approved (Mostly!)
Alright, Covid times… let’s get this over with. Obviously, they are, according to the hotel, using Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection is happening, and Rooms are sanitized between stays. They’ve also got that Hand sanitizer everywhere. Individually-wrapped food options and Safe dining setups feel mandatory these days. That's great to see.
The big one for me? Room sanitization opt-out available. That gives you options. I, for one, don't mind it, and I have to say the place did feel clean.
Internet – Praise the Wi-Fi Gods!
Alright, internet. The bane of every traveler's existence. “Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!” Yes! And it actually works! (I repeat: it works!) Wi-Fi in public areas? Check. I even managed to stream some Netflix in the room without the buffering blues. And to be honest, the internet at the Coffee Shop downstairs was pretty good, because, hey, coffee and wifi are the combo God intended. This is huge, folks. Huge. They also have Internet [LAN] if you're that old school, and Internet services.
Rooms & Amenities - Think Luxurious Living
Let’s talk about the actual apartment. I'm a sucker for a good view, and this place delivers. High floor? Yep. Window that opens? Absolutely. Blackout curtains? Essential for beating that Melbourne sunrise. The bed? Extra long; I could sprawl out like the starfish I am. Then there's the Seating area – perfect for sipping coffee (made with the in-room Coffee/tea maker) and plotting your Melbourne adventures.
I will say that the Bathroom phone is kind of an anachronism, though. Like, who is even making calls from the toilet these days? The Bathtub was a good size, the Separate shower/bathtub a luxury. And the Slippers and Bathrobes are a nice touch that make you feel pampered.
There’s also a Fridge, a Mini bar, and a In-room safe box. The Mirror is of decent size, which is helpful. They provide Free bottled water, Complimentary tea, and Non-smoking rooms.
Things To Do & Ways to Relax - Spoiled for Choice (Literally)
Okay, get ready to get overwhelmed. This place is like a mini-resort!
- Want to sweat?: Gym/fitness center. Fitness center. Done.
- Want to get the blood flowing?: Swimming pool [outdoor], Pool with view – yes, please!
- Want to get pampered?: Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Sauna, Massage, Body scrub, Body wrap – I'm practically drooling. (Okay, I actually drooled a little). I didn't get ALL of this, but even just thinking about it is relaxing.
- How about a Foot bath…: Well, I'm not going to lie, I had a few beers and kind of forgot about that one. next time, though!
Dining, Drinking & Snacking - Fueling the Fun
Okay, food, glorious food! I’m a sucker for hotel breakfasts, and the Breakfast [buffet] was decent. They also have Breakfast in room. Western breakfast and Asian Breakfast for those with a more refined palate, Asian cuisine in restaurant. The Coffee shop downstairs is convenient for a quick caffeine fix, but the Room service [24-hour] is the true MVP. Imagine, post-adventure snacks in bed!
- Restaurants: Oh, the restaurants! Restaurants, A la carte in restaurant, Buffet in restaurant. They have International cuisine in restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant I’d rate the salad as "pretty good".
- Need a drink?: Bar, Poolside bar. Happy hour. Bottle of water.
- Snacking?: Snack bar, Desserts in restaurant, Soup in restaurant.
They also have more "sensible" options like Coffee/tea in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant.
Services & Conveniences - Because They've Thought of Everything
This place is a dream for the lazy traveler (a.k.a., me). Concierge, Daily housekeeping, Dry cleaning, Laundry service, Ironing service, Room service [24-hour]. I even think I saw Car power charging station. They also have the practical stuff like Cash withdrawal, Currency exchange, Luggage storage, and Safe deposit boxes. It's all the extras that make the stay easy.
- Getting Around?: Airport transfer, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Taxi service, Valet parking. Basically, you're covered.
For the Kids - They've Got You Covered
- Family friendly: Babysitting service, Kids facilities, Kids meal
Getting Around
- Airport transfer, Bicycle parking, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking
Things That Could Be Better… (and Things That Were Hilarious
Okay, let's be real. Nothing is perfect.
- The "Hotel Chain" Feeling: It doesn't have that individual one-of-a-kind vibe. But honestly, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. It’s consistent and reliable.
- The Occasional Traffic Noise: It's Melbourne. It's a city! You're going to hear some traffic. It wasn’t awful, but those sensitive sleepers, be warned!
I do want to mention one (rather odd) incident. I think I saw a "shrine" in the lobby. It might have just been a particularly ornate display, but it was so extra, I couldn't help but laugh. It's those little quirks that made this place memorable.
The Verdict: Southbank Hotel Apartment #1412 is a Winner!
Would I recommend it? Absolutely! It's a solid choice for anyone wanting a comfortable, convenient, and relatively affordable base in Melbourne. The amenities are a huge bonus, and the location is perfect for exploring Southbank and the city.
Now, for the Real Deal: The Persuasive Offer
Want to ditch the usual hotel hassles and experience Melbourne in style? Southbank Hotel Apartment #1412 is the BEST KEPT SECRET, offering a luxury stay in the heart of the action.
Here's why you NEED to book NOW:
- Unbeatable Location: Steps away from the best restaurants, bars, and cultural attractions.
- Amazing Amenities: From the pool with a view to the spa, we have all you need for a perfect getaway.
- Free Wi-Fi: Stay connected and stream your favourites!
- Safety First: We are always following the greatest standards for cleaning and hygiene.
- Space to Breathe: Spacious apartment with a breathtaking views!
Here is Your Exclusive Offer:
- Limited Time Offer: Book your stay in Southbank Hotel Apartment #1412 now and receive a complimentary bottle of premium Australian wine upon arrival.
- Early bird Bonus: Book in advance and get a free upgrade to a higher floor!
**Don't miss out on Melbourne
Luxury Escapes Await: Uncover the Hidden Gem of Mexico City's Hotel Santa Maria
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because here's the unvarnished truth – my Southbank Hotel Apartment #1412 Melbourne itinerary. Prepare for a rollercoaster of emotions, questionable decisions, and the occasional existential crisis, all expertly curated (or, you know, scribbled down haphazardly) in the spirit of honest travel.
Day 1: Arrival & Melbourne Mayhem (or, "Why Did I Pack So Many Shoes?")
- 14:00: Touchdown! Melbourne Airport. Okay, initial thoughts? Jet lag is a cruel mistress. And wow, Australia is a long flight from… well, wherever you're coming from. The immigration officer gave me a look like I was smuggling kangaroos in my carry-on. I swear, I packed light! (Lies. Absolutely lies. My suitcase is a black hole for unnecessary footwear.) Taxi to Southbank Hotel Apartment #1412 (fingers crossed it’s actually a decent view).
- 15:00 - 16:00: Check-in, apartment assessment. Ah, the holy grail: a view. YES. The Yarra River sprawling out, the city shimmering in the distance. Okay, maybe this wasn't a terrible decision after all. Apartment itself? Surprisingly spacious. Definitely cleaner than my own apartment back home, which is a low bar, I'll admit. Quick unpack (or, you know, "dump all my stuff on the bed").
- 16:00 - 18:00: Stumble-walk down to Southbank Promenade. First impressions: bustling! Street performers everywhere. A mime who looked suspiciously like he was judging my outfit. The food stalls smell divine. Temptation level: HIGH. (But remember, gotta be frugal…for now.) Grabbed a lukewarm coffee that cost a small fortune (that's Melbourne for you, right?).
- 18:00 - 20:00: Dinner at a recommended Italian restaurant (didn’t quite catch the name, something with a lot of vowels). Carbonara was…okay. Actually, the bread was the highlight. And the wine. Definitely the wine. Spent way too much time people-watching, eavesdropping on conversations, contemplating the meaning of life over a plate of pasta.
- 20:00 - 22:00: Wander along the river, past the Crown Casino (a glittering monster). Feeling the first pangs of loneliness, but also the exhilarating freedom of solo travel. Did I make the right choice? Am I going to starve? Should I have brought more socks? These are the weighty questions of a modern adventurer, folks. Back to the apartment, collapse on the bed, and try to plan for tomorrow. Probably fail.
Day 2: Arts, Coffee, and a Existential Crisis (or, "Is That a Kookaburra Laughing at Me?")
- 09:00: Wake up, bleary-eyed, to a sunrise that actually makes me feel…optimistic. Black coffee ritual (thank god for having Nespresso). Breakfast? A sad croissant from the corner store. Regret setting in.
- 10:00 - 13:00: National Gallery of Victoria (NGV). Tried to look cultured. Admired the art. Pretended to understand the abstract stuff. Actually, some of it really moved me. Other parts just made me want a nap. The crowds were intense. Dodged some selfie sticks. Almost tripped over a small child. Standard gallery experience, really.
- 13:00 - 14:00: Coffee break. Needed it. Melbourne coffee culture is real, and it's intimidating. Finally found a decent cafe with actual atmosphere (and actual coffee). The barista’s tattoos were way cooler than anything in the gallery.
- 14:00 - 16:00: Flinders Street Station exploration. That building is gorgeous. Got completely lost for a while. Wandered. Took photos of practically everything. Feel like an idiot tourist (which I am). Began to contemplate my life choices. Maybe I should have been an architect? Or a shepherd? The options are endless…and terrifying.
- 16:00 - 17:00: Back to the apartment, needing rest- which really means internet time. Did a whole bunch of nothing, which is my specialty.
- 17:00-18:00: Attempted grocery shopping. Failed. Overwhelmed by the choice of cereal. Bought a ridiculously expensive avocado. Regret. Realized I probably shouldn’t cook for myself.
- 18:00-20:00: Dinner at a small restaurant. Had the best burger of my life. The end.
- 20:00-22:00: Stroll through Federation Square. People are everywhere! The air is warm. The city pulses around me. I sit there and think, “Wow, this is what it means to be alive.” The next day I remember I had the flu.
Day 3: The Great Ocean Road (Or, "My Stomach and I Have a Complicated Relationship")
- 07:00: Wake up, slightly hungover and regretting that extra glass of wine last night. (Pro Tip: Always regret that extra glass of wine). Breakfast: More bad coffee, and a banana.
- 08:00-19:00: The Great Ocean Road Tour. Long day. Incredible scenery. The Twelve Apostles? Breathtaking. Ocean views? Stunning. This is what dreams are made of. And then, the nausea hit. Turns out, winding roads and a delicate stomach are not a good combination. Spent half the time trying not to hurl in the tour bus. (Miraculously, I succeeded.) This experience needs more emphasis, as I'm pretty sure it was the greatest day of my life.
- 19:00: Crawl back to the apartment, defeated but alive. Shower. Eat instant noodles. Contemplate cancelling the rest of the trip.
- 21:00: Reflect on what could have been.
Day 4: "The Day I Didn't Leave The Apartment" (or, "The One Where I Became One With The Couch")
- 09:00-23:00: Slept. Watched old movies. Ate chips. Ordered takeaway. Avoided all human contact. Possibly developed a deep, spiritual connection with Netflix. This is my life now.
Day 5: Recovery and Departure (or, "Maybe I'll Come Back…Someday")
- 09:00: Wake up feeling…human! Sun is shining. Still recovering from the Great Ocean Road experience.
- 10:00-12:00: Visit a recommended cafe for brunch. Overdid it on the avocado toast, of course.
- 12:00-14:00: Pack. Reflect on the chaos and beauty of the past few days.
- 14:00-15:00: Wander aimlessly down the street one last time.
- 15:00: Check out. Take a deep breath. Promise myself to come back to Melbourne. And maybe, just maybe, pack less shoes.
- 16:00: Taxi to the airport. Goodbye, Melbourne. You magnificent, confusing city!
- 17:00- Flight Departure: Begin to plan my next trip.
Southbank Hotel Apartment #1412: The Good, The Bad, and The Honestly, Utterly Unexpected
Okay, spill the beans! What's *actually* so "secret" about Apartment #1412? Is it a secret society of... what, pigeon aficionadoes?
Look, "secret" might be hyperbole, alright? It's not like the Illuminati are holding late-night soirees there. But… it's a specific apartment. A specific *vibe*. Think of it as a hidden gem in a rather shiny, high-rise city. You wouldn't just stumble upon it. You *knew* someone who knew someone, or… you stumbled upon this very FAQ, I guess! Basically, it's this ridiculously well-appointed, surprisingly spacious apartment in the Southbank Hotel. People don't usually rave about *hotel apartments*, right? But this one… *this one* is different.
Alright, alright, "different." But what makes it so special? Give me the details! (And don't bore me with a laundry list of amenities.)
Okay, fine! Details, details, DETAILS! Let's start with the view. Holy moly, the view. I've been a sucker for a good view ever since, well, forever. Apartment #1412 is on the 14th floor, right? So you get this panoramic sweep of the city, the Yarra River snaking through, the arts precinct… it's breathtaking. During the day, it's all sunshine and possibility. Night? Fireworks. Literally! If you're lucky enough to be there during a special event, you're basically in the front row of a fireworks show. No need for expensive tickets. Just… pure, unadulterated visual bliss. I was there once, a little tipsy, watching the New Year's Eve fireworks from there. I remember yelling at my partner, "This is the best view I’ve *ever* seen!" And I meant it. Sorry… I’m rambling a bit now, aren’t I? But the view… it's a *huge* deal.
Okay, the view is great, I'm convinced. But what if I'm a terrible cook? Like, a *really* terrible cook? Will I starve?
Don't worry, you won't starve! Apartment #1412 has a fully equipped kitchen. Which, frankly, is kinda intimidating. Let's be honest, I'm no chef either. But the thought of *trying* makes me feel grown up! If you don't want to actually cook (and, hey, I get it!), there are a million restaurants within walking distance. Literally. And the best part? They're all kinds of fantastic. Fine dining, casual eats, international cuisine… whatever your culinary mood, you're covered. Though, if you *did* feel inspired to whip up something, the kitchen's got everything you need. Like, you could actually bake a cake in there. I've tried to bake a cake...once. Disaster. But the *thought* was good, right?
So, what about the negatives? Nothing's perfect. What's the catch? Did you find a dead pigeon in the closet?
Okay, okay, let's be real. No dead pigeons, thankfully. But no, it's not *perfect*. First off, it's a hotel. Which means you'll hear the occasional siren or the thump of someone's bass from a neighboring room. It'll be annoying, don't kid yourself. And parking? Ugh. City hotels, am I right? Finding parking can be a nightmare, especially on weekends. Be prepared to circle the block a few times. And I swear, people who leave their luggage right in front of the elevators... It’s infuriating! The check-in process can also be a bit clunky, depending on how busy the hotel is. And honestly? Sometimes, the Wi-Fi is a bit… spotty. I'm a digital minimalist, I swear, but you do need Wi-Fi sometimes, right? But hey, these are minor annoyances. And honestly? They're far outweighed by the good stuff.
Let's talk about the "vibe." You mentioned it. What's it like? Is it… romantic? Business-y? A frat house?
Okay, the vibe. This is where it gets personal. (And a bit messy.) It's… adaptable. Honestly, it's whatever you make it. It *can* be romantic. Candles, a bottle of wine, that view… perfect recipe for a romantic getaway. I've definitely used it for that. It’s totally doable. It *can* be business-y. There’s a desk, good Wi-Fi (when it works!), and the proximity to everything makes it great for business travel, if that’s your thing. And… I guess it *could* be a frat house. But, come on, it's not a budget hotel. You're not going to find sticky floors and questionable smells. The vibe is... sophisticated, I'd say. Modern. Clean. Comfortable. And it feels like a sanctuary. It's a place you can actually *relax*. Which, in this city, is a precious commodity.
I'm intrigued. But is it expensive? Because I have a budget that's tighter than my jeans after Christmas.
Look, let's not sugarcoat it. It's not *cheap*. It's a premium hotel apartment in a prime location. It's Melbourne, people! Prices fluctuate, especially depending on the season and events. Check the hotel website or booking sites for the most up-to-date pricing. But, honestly, it's often worth it, especially if you're splitting the cost with someone. Factor in the space, the amenities, the location… If you're looking for a total bargain, it might not be for you. But if you're looking for a memorable experience, something a little special… then start saving, because I personally think the value is definitely there. (And I am notoriously cheap!) It's an investment in your sanity, I swear!
Okay, but what is it REALLY like? Give me a specific, memorable experience you've had there. And make it juicy!
Alright, now we're talking! Buckle up, because this is going to get a little… awkward. Okay, so, last year? My partner and I were celebrating our anniversary. We decided on the whole Southbank Hotel shindig. Splurged a little. We got Apartment #1412, of course! And the plan was, romantic dinner, champagne, fireworks (if we were lucky). We showed up, checked in, got into the apartment, and… oh. The view was, as usual, STUNNING. We actually just stared dumbly out the window for, like, 20 minutes. Like, total slack-jawed yokels. Then we got ready for dinner. I spent what felt like hours getting dressed (I'm a disaster that way). We were running a bit late, but what the heck, it was our anniversary! We wereScenic Stays
